Sunday, October 2, 2016

My Thoughts

Can you believe she just turned 16?!
It has been almost a year since I posted here.

How is that possible?  How can I have stayed away from something that I enjoy so much?

I have been thinking about it a lot lately.  My thoughts?  I seem to do well for a while but then, somehow, I get all blocked up.  Even taking part in workshops where there are prompts don't seem to help much.

In trying to figure out why that happens to me, I have come to the conclusion that I put way too much pressure on myself.  When I publish a post and announce it on my various media platforms, I feel  pressure to entertain, to inform and to please my readers.  Here I am inviting people to come read what I wrote so I better not disappoint them!  This pressure builds up and creates huge anxiety in me.  This continues to the point where I freeze up and the words stop flowing.

The thing is, I truly miss expressing myself this way.  I miss putting words on my screen and flinging them out there.  I miss expressing myself - for better or worse.

The solution?  I'm going to stop putting that pressure on myself.  I'm not going to advertise my posts all over the place and linking up to other sites.  I'm going to come here to express my thoughts and talk about my life as if nobody is watching.

Will this work for me?  Who the heck knows?

Is it worth trying?  Hell yes!

Of course, those who are still subscribed to my blog may just come by for a visit and a big part of me really hopes that they do because I miss that interaction.  The difference now is that, while I hope that they still find me interesting, I am not going to stress over it.  Those who are my tribe will stick around and say hi.  I'm sure that the others have plenty of other places that entertain them more and that's okay.

I also want to practice a bit of conscious gratefullness to keep myself in a positive place so I will start right now:

What am I thankful for today?  I am grateful to have the freedom and ability to express myself in the way that suits me best.  There are so many who don't have that.



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