A Little Bit of Me Time

In my new quest to lift my spirits and enjoy life a little more, I went for a walk on Saturday.   

(pausing while you gasp in surprise) 

Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t tend to be the exercising type.  Generally, if you see me walking it’s because I need to get somewhere (don’t have a car) but walking for pleasure…… um……. no.   

You see, I woke up on Saturday to a glorious spring day - sunshine, warm but not too hot temperatures – and it made me feel good.  Since I haven’t been feeling all that good these days and have been trying to do something about it, I decided not to waste all of this gloriousness in front of me.    I packed a small bag with my book (never go anywhere without a book!!), something to drink and my camera and set off toward the lake.  I’m so lucky to live near a lakeside park but hardly ever take advantage of it so, on Saturday, I took advantage. 

Looking at the calendar the other day I realized that I had bought my fancy new camera a year ago this month but have never really bothered to play with it and experiment with all of the fancy effects so I had some fun with it....... 

... selecting colours.....

... stitching multiple picture together to form a banner.....

 .... and a little bit of fish-eye fun.....

I spent the rest of the weekend treating myself to a ME weekend.  I sat on my balcony with my book, my tea and my cat.  I made spaghetti sauce and muffins (not to be eaten together, of course!) and listened to some of my favourite music and the Trivia Show on the radio Sunday morning.  No real housework was done so, if you come visit me, try not to trip on the dust bunnies.   

Kat

What to say........

I know that I have been away for a long time and I’m sure that I have no readers left.  Out of sight, out of mind, right?   

I seem to be going through a period of my life where I just don’t know what to say anymore.  I put on a smile and interact with those in my life and those who I know online but sometimes the smile is only skin deep; more than sometimes, if I’m going to be honest.  This isn’t because I don’t like the people in my life and my online friends.  I try not to keep around the people that I don’t like.  I seem to be doing a fine job of bringing myself down these days so I don’t need negative people helping me. 

You’d think that I have nothing to complain about: I have a decent place to live, food on the table, no debts, two smart, funny, healthy kids…….  The problem is that I have hit a point in my life where I’m just not truly happy, satisfied or fulfilled.   

I have been at the same job for almost nineteen years.  It is (obviously) steady and the pay is decent but there is no challenge anymore.  I’ve stopped growing and don’t see much growth potential in the near future.  It doesn’t help that we’ve hit a bit of a quiet period so that I don’t have enough work to fill my days.  This gives me FAR too much time to think about how bored and unfulfilled I am.  The thought of jumping ship into the unknown is daunting…….no, make that terrifying.  Will it work out or not?  Will I still have a paycheque six months from now?  How would I handle a new boss and co-workers after so long where I am?  Am I too set in my ways and the ways of my current employer?  Have I lost too much of my French (I live in Montreal) in this predominantly English office to be marketable?  The self-doubt and insecurity are suffocating me into immobility. 

I am also so very lonely.  I have taken a bit of a sabbatical from the dating scene because I was just getting so tired of one disappointment after another.  The majority of men that I have met over the years have not been interested in actually dating with the prospect of a real relationship on the horizon.  They only want “hook-ups” with no actual commitment.  We’re not talking about twenty-year olds here; we’re talking about men in their forties!  Ugh…….   I am SO over that!  There were a couple of good prospects not so long ago but one had to move back to Scotland for family reasons and the other wanted to make babies.  Sorry buddy, this factory has been closed for a while!   I know that I'll try the dating scene again but I think that I need to get myself to a better place first.  Maybe that's why I'm not attracting the right people....

I don’t have a very big social circle and I don’t get out much with those friends that I do have because, let’s face it, I’ve become a bit of a homebody.  I’ve let myself go physically and mentally and just can’t seem to make it better so I stay home.  I need to find a way out of this slump; this isn’t healthy physically, mentally, emotionally…… 

That being said, I am trying.  I have been attempting to cut out the processed and fast foods and making more meals from scratch.  My kids have been reaping the benefits of the new recipes that I’ve been testing without too many failures.  My love of chocolate and chips is still alive and well but I’ve been eating more vegetables and ordering out less.  Baby steps people!  Getting healthier is going to be a journey.  I have been trying to get out the door more even if it’s only to go to the mall for a little while.  I even sometimes invite someone to meet me for coffee/tea.  I am trying so hard to come out of my shell of loneliness and self-pity…… 

If anybody is reading this post and actually made it through my pity-party to the end, thank you.  Have you gone through periods like this?  What did you do to pull yourself out? 

Kat

My two loves: internet and reading

A while back, I decided that I would do an occasional book review here.  I haven't done one in a long time so I'm going to do three mini reviews here.  Three, you ask?  How can I weave that into one blog post, you ask?  Okay, I'm assuming that you're asking that...... that is, if you're still with me and haven't move on.

Well, here goes.....

Two of my biggest loves, aside from my kids of course, are the internet and books.  This is where these three books come together in one post.  I love the fact that the internet has brought me into contact with so many wonderful people.  I have met a few in person but, for the most part, these are people who live far away from me and we have entered each other's lives on Twitter and Facebook.  We read each other's blogs and status updates and feel that we are one community regardless of where we actually live.  Through this community, I have found and read three books recently that I want to tell you about.

Confessions of a Scary Mommy by Jill Smokler of www.scarymommy.com is the first one.  If you have ever checked out her website, you know that her blog exists to let us know that none of us are perfect and gives us permission to laugh at ourselves.  Jill and her Scary Mommy community let us know that we are not alone in our sometimes scary trip through parenthood.  In her book, she shares with us her trip through parenthood from pregnancy, through the toddler years, school and the competition between moms.  Between chapters, she shares some of the confessions from her Confessions board; some funny, some sad, others you just nod and totally understand.  If you've never checked out the Scary Mommy confessional, please do, but not now or you'll get totally addicted and won't come back to finish reading my post!

The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha of www.1000awesomethings.com is the second book.  This is a fun and easy read; something to take to the park with you to read while the kids run around and (hopefully) tire themselves out.  Neil describes himself as a "boring guy with a nine-to-five job" who found himself in a world where we are surrounded by bad news and decided to start a blog where he reminded himself of all of the small, awesome things that make us feel better.  To his surprise, his site quickly became a hit with people from all over the world sending him suggestions.  From little things like the smile popping bubble rap brings to your face to waking up to realize that it's Saturday, this book is about all of life's little pleasures.  I found myself nodding and smiling at many of them and laughing out loud at others (embarrassing when you're on the bus)

The third book is Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson of www.thebloggess.com.  Go to her blog and read some of her posts.  If you enjoy her writing style there then definitely go get her book - you'll love it!  I should warn you that, if you are easily offended by bad language or off-colour imagery, you may not want to pick this one up (again, check out her blog first).  This book is basically a trip through her life that explains where the blogger we love came from and why she is so awesomely entertaining.  Jenny is quirky, often inappropriate, full of anxiety and has a love of stuffed dead animals in funny costumes.  You end up laughing at things you never would have imagined you would ever laugh at.  Her conversation with a (male) coworker about huge labia made me laugh myself to tears (yes, on the bus.... sigh).  Her conversations with her long-suffering husband are just as funny and off-centre.

I highly recommend these books to anyone looking for some fun summer reading.  They remind us that none of us is a perfect parent, we all need to enjoy the little things in life and we need to be able to see the humorous side of our craziness.

Kat

Dish Gremlins

I swear that there are gremlins hiding in the shadows here whose only purpose in life is to put dishes in my sink.  I have washed dishes five times today and yet, every time I walk through the kitchen, there are a few more in the sink.

I have dishpan hands!

I've gotten over being embarrassed when someone walks into the apartment and sees dirty dishes in my sink.  I just distract them with my tumbleweed dust bunnies (hee hee).  Those who know me well, know that I will never win any good housekeeping awards and are cool with it.  They're here to see me not my clean sink...... thank goodness!

I suppose the fact that I've got a teen and pre-teen in the place who are constantly eating or drinking something could explain a lot.  They inhale the current refreshment and, plunk, there goes something else into the sink.  Maybe these two also explain what I, until now, took to be the work of the cousin of the dish-gremlin.....the grocery gremlin whose purpose in life is to empty my fridge (and wallet).

Now, the kids don't mind helping with the groceries or carrying them up the stairs because that means that their bottomless pits will continue to have fuel but getting them to deal with the aftermath is something else.  I practically have to twist their arms to get them in front of that sink and even then they often do a half-assed job of it.

I made a great breakfast and a super supper as well as doing dishes multiple times today so you'd think that when I asked Drama Queen to wash the desert dishes, she'd do so without a fuss, right?  Wrong!!!  You wouldn't believe the eye rolling and groaning..... I actually had to yell at her after calling her to the kitchen THREE times.  I had to remind her of all that I'd done for her today.  I almost had to pull out the I-carried-you-for-nine-months-and-gave-you-life card.

I suppose that most parents of 11 and 13 year olds go through the same kind of thing so I guess that I'm not alone.  I'll get these two trained yet!

Until then, somebody please pass me the hand moisturizer....

Kat