….. I would tell my younger self to work harder at overcoming her innate shyness and forge more close friendships.
When I was younger, I had little self-confidence and was painfully shy with people that I didn't know. I still am, to a certain extent, but have been trying to work on that. During the years that I was married to Stinky, there were always people around and we had a pretty decent social circle but the problem is that they were people that he drew to us. He is an extrovert extraordinaire! He draws people in so I never had to work at having people around me. Unfortunately this meant that, when we separated, a lot of those "friends" stayed with him and I was left with a very small social circle. Blink as they go by and you might miss them.
It's funny, there were always people around our house or some social thing to go to and I would actually get annoyed but, now, sometimes I miss it. I guess it's all about perspective.
I do have friends though. It's not like I'm a totally isolated hermit with noone but her cat. We're talking about quality over quantity in my case. Not a bad thing, when you think about it. I've stumbled around a bit over the years, learning how to cultivate and keep friendships. It's not as easy as you would think watching my ex work his magic but I'm getting there. I only wish that I had worked harder at that skill when I was younger. Teaching this old dog new tricks is tough.
No flowers yet but we're getting there!
Now that we are all coming out of hibernation from the long winter months, I plan to spend some time enjoying those friendships. Perhaps a beer on a terrasse downtown after work, a couple of friends over for a BBQ, a glass (or two or three…..) of wine with my lovely SIL. I should probably try to get better at picking up the phone too…..
I'm a work in progress but, then again, aren't we all?
When I look at my reflection I see a forty-four year old woman. This woman has a few wrinkles creeping up around her eyes and a few grey hairs (thankfully only a few!). After over four decades of happy, sad, stress and hard work, these things are to be expected. Hers is not a life of leisure.
When I look at my reflection I see a woman who wasn’t exactly thin before she had two babies and, given her sad lack of impulse control, will probably never be thin. She may work on this but, for the moment, basically accepts herself as she is. When I look at my reflection I see a woman whose best and prettiest feature is her smile. She shows that smile off as often as possible even when she isn't totally "feeling" it because it feels good when people smile back.
When I look at my reflection I see a mother, daughter, niece, cousin, aunt, ex-wife, sister-in-law, friend and coworker who treasures all of these things but, some days, still isn’t entirely sure what she wants to be when she grows up.
When I look at my reflection, I see a woman who feels more confident and likes herself better now than her younger self did. She's still a bit insecure sometimes but is working to get past that.
When I look at my reflection, I see a woman who, despite having family and friends to love, is lonely and sometimes aches for a partner. Sadly, the dating scene has proven too damned depressing…..
When I look at my refection, I see a woman who needs to get out more and experience life before she turns into a crazy cat lady. Now that spring truly seems to be on the way, perhaps she'll work on that.
That woman in the mirror is complicated and needs improvement in some areas but she's not so bad. I think that I like her.