Not a Housewife!

I had to laugh when I saw Mama Kat’s writing prompt for this week – write a list of 10 reasons why you could not be a real housewife from any county.  I like to think that I get a passing grade as a mother but housewife?  That’s one test I would definitely fail!

-First of all, I’m not even a wife; I’m an ex-wife.  Ex-wives can’t even pretend to be housewives if they want to pay the rent and actually eat unless they score an excellent settlement in the divorce.  Sadly, I didn’t.

-One word:  dust.  The rich housewives that you see on television who have maids and most other, normal, housewives for that matter wouldn’t be caught in a dusty house.  I hate dusting.  Hate! It!  It only happens when I’m having company and want to somewhat impress them.  Even then, the effort is really only half-assed.  The dust bunnies under my bed all have names……

-I’ve never actually seen any of those “Real” Housewives shows but I they look like the type who “Do Lunch”.  Unless meeting at Tim Horton’s for a sandwich and doughnut qualify, I’m not sure that I’d make it past auditions.

-I had a boyfriend in my (way) younger days whose mother actually ironed her sheets.  Is that still a thing?  If so, I am a failure.  My kids consider themselves lucky if the sheets are washed regularly.

-Are organized cupboards a requirement?  I have a couple of kitchen cupboards that threaten to vomit their contents if you pull out the wrong thing.  My sister-in-law commented that they make great booby-traps.  Sadly, she wasn’t wrong.

-The only things that I have successfully kept alive are my kids and cat; only because they make noise and get my attention.  No plant has ever entered my home and survived.  I took a chance this spring, however, and bought some herbs and a pot of flowers for my balcony.  I’m hoping that being outside where Mother Nature can see them will give them a fighting chance.

Wish them luck!

-Whenever I see pictures of the TV Housewives, they are always perfectly coiffed, manicured and clothed.  I guess that it helps that they all probably have maids and never have to lift a finger to have perfect homes but, frankly, even with a maid, I’m not sure that I could ever look like that.  Not sure that I really want to.

-Having a job outside of the home, I’ve been known to take shortcuts at supper time.  A good example would be the frozen hamburgers and fries that I whipped up the other night.  That doesn’t happen every night, of course, but it’s been known to happen with at least some regularity.  Would this change if I was a housewife?  Maybe, maybe not……...let’s be honest, probably not.

Okay, I can’t think of ten things.  I bet that one of those Real Housewives could easily think of ten reasons why I’m not one of them.  I bet that a normal, ordinary housewife in suburbia could also flesh out this list pretty easily too.  See, I can’t even make lists like they can!  (ooh, that’s the ninth thing!)

Kathy