Over the past year, my job has been trying and tiring not to mention stressful. It has had an effect on every aspect of my life. I was coming home exhausted, my mind drained, which left me depressed and moody. These are not the qualifications of a good mother or fun person. Add to this the fact that money was very tight for quite a long while - more stress, thank you. Then, of course, the cold weather came with its grey skies which eventually takes me into a funk no matter how good I started out feeling - in this case, not very good.
I guess that I kind of went into hibernation mode. I wasn't going out, wasn't doing anything creative, just existing. I'm not sure that I would have been diagnosed as "clinically depressed" but I think that I was as closed to it as you can get. With this mood, any attempt at meeting people or dating would have been laughable so it has also been lonely. My children are wonderful and thank goodness I've had them to keep me from going completely under but sometimes an adult needs another adult to confide in late in the evening when the day is winding down.
Speaking of my children, they are thriving in spite of my floundering. Scout Boy is now taller than me (at 13!) so I'll probably have to think of a new nickname for him soon (Stretch, maybe?). He's intelligent and questions everything, not happy to just follow the status quo. Sometimes he stretches my patience when it's me he's challenging but I'd rather put up with that than have him be a sheep.
Drama Queen (yes, that nickname still fits) is quickly turning into a lovely young lady. Puberty has hit, much to her father's chagrin, and her personality, sense of style and view of the world around her are rushing to keep up with her changing body. For the most part, she is doing wonderfully at it although the emotions are always bubbling under the surface. She is sometimes caught between being an eleven year old (still a kid really) and being a young woman.
The reason that I'm "up" lately? Well, raise time at work has just passed and my boss showed just how much he recognizes and appreciates the hard work that I've been putting in with a decent raise and an extra bonus. To be honest, we all got a bonus in my department because we've all been really rising to the challenge this past year and it shows. Also, the workload has come down a bit and the stress has eased, thank goodness. I'm not sure how I would have handled it if things had continued the way they were. On top of that, I also got in some nice tax refunds which have left me debt free and bought a few things that I've really needed/wanted. Work-wise and financially, I'm in better shape than I have been in a while and a great weight has been lifted.
The fact that the sun and green grass have come back is also a thing to cheer for and has done a lot to lift my soul. I open my window in the morning, breathe in the fresh air and don't mind stepping out my door to start the day.
The love life still leaves something to be desired but even that had a bit of a lift recently. A very nice man that I had a couple of dates with last summer got back in touch recently and we got together. It was really nice and we are still in touch. Of course every silver lining has its cloud. He's had to transfer back home to the UK because his mother is in bad health (couple of strokes) and needs help. He's hoping to come back to Montreal but it's not going to happen any time soon. We'll stay in touch but I'm not going to let myself get too hopeful.
All in all, I'm feeling better than I have in a long time and am hoping to continue that way. Maybe you'll even hear from me a little more often. I promise to attempt more entertainment and less complaining :)
