Thursday, August 6, 2015



Above, you see the definition of the word impulsive.  That pretty much fits......

I can be a very impulsive person when it comes to spending money.  Thankfully, I’ve managed to get my spending under control to the point that my impulsiveness doesn’t surpass my budget anymore but parting me with my spending money is not hard.

Those sale displays right where I walk into the grocery store stop me every time.  Never mind that, most of the time, they contain nothing that I NEED; just what I want.  “Oooh, we haven’t had that in a while”.  Consider me sold.  I rarely take my teens grocery shopping with me anymore.  I’m bad enough on my own without them popping up next to me with Nutella/Gatorade/cake mix/ice cream/fill-in-the-blank-here saying “Mom, please!”  Yeah, twist my rubber arm kid!

It’s not just the grocery store though.  I am almost physically incapable of walking past the book store without stopping to see what’s new.  Walking out of the store without a new book in my bag is a massive feat of self-control which I rarely accomplish.  My kids laugh at me when I decide to stand strong and go by without going in.  I literally go by with my gaze averted chanting “I will not go in, I will not go in…….” because I know that if I do go in, I’m a goner.

I’ve gone into places like the grocery store and Walmart with the best of intentions and even a list to stick to but I never quite manage it.  There’s always something on sale or cleverly placed at the end of an aisle that catches my eye and, before you know it, it’s in my cart as if by magic.

I’m the same way with big-ticket items too.  Once I decide that I want/need it and I have the (“extra”) money, that’s it.  I’m not one of those people who spend ages comparison shopping, reading endless reviews, watching the flyers for impending sales.  No, once I decide I want something, I will go online to see where it is available, read a few reviews just to be sure and then off I go to make my purchase.  There are no weeks or months of agonizing over it for this girl. 

That’s how I ended up with my new phone.  I had a tax refund burning a hole in my pocket just when the new Samsung Galaxy S6 came out.  The reviews were good and I REALLY wanted it.  It was very impulsive of me but I don’t regret it one little bit.

That’s one thing that I’ve been lucky with so far; most of my impulse purchases – big and small – tend to work out well.  My first thought tends to be the best call for me.  It’s only when I start second-guessing myself that I mess it up.  Maybe, sometimes, the impulsive urge is just our intuition kicking in and saying “Yes, that’s the right choice” and we just need to trust it.  At least that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it!

Mama’s Losin’ It


Wednesday, August 5, 2015

My first Pour Your Heart out post

I wrote a post recently about the death of my mother.  We were not close.  As a matter of fact, for my own well-being, I had put a lot of distance between us.  I alluded to this in my post but didn’t go into the negative details of our past. 

I probably never will as this is not the kind of blog that I want. 

Nobody comes here to listen to that shit.


A commenter pointed out the fact that, no matter our relationship with our mothers, we never really “lose” them.  They are a part of us – good, bad or ugly.  That is very true.  It’s what we do with that influence that matters.

Because of her recent death and my having to deal with what little estate there is, I guess that she has been on my mind far more than usual.  Sadly, it doesn’t tend to be in a nice way. 

My mother's cat making herself at home

I’ll be watching something on television and think “my mother would hate this and call it crap” or I’ll be eating a meal and think “my mother would complain about half of what’s in it”.  Every time she comes to mind, it always seems to be a negative thought and it makes me a little sad.  I know that she asked for it but it’s still sad that she has left such a negative legacy.

My uncle, her brother, wondered if she had some degree of depression since it tends to run in that side of the family.  Looking at how she lived and her outward attitude to things, he could be right.  Unfortunately, my mother was never the type to admit something like that, let alone seek help.  Of course, it could also be that she was just a negative, selfish person who had no regard for how others felt.  I guess that we’ll just never know for sure which it is.

I hope that someday I’ll be able to look back and see the good things.  I’d really like that.  Other people who knew her had nice things to say and good memories so maybe there’s some hope for me.

For now, today is not that day.